


"I was scared."

by Kittenbedtimestories



Category: Detroit: Become Human (Video Game)
Genre: Canon Compliant, Connor Feels Emotions TM, No Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-01
Packaged: 2021-02-28 17:13:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23420758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kittenbedtimestories/pseuds/Kittenbedtimestories
Summary: During the rooftop chase, after the deviant is shot, Connor says something...strange. "I was scared." What led him to make a statement like that, when androids aren't meant to feel anything at all?
Kudos: 20





	"I was scared."

**Author's Note:**

> [Originally posted on likepuppetsonastring.tumblr.com] So I thought I’d write a couple of Connor’s deviancy moments, because who doesn’t want to get into his head? First, the most poignant one.

BANG!

Connor barely had time to register the gunshot in his right shoulder before someone yelled “Take cover!” and the shootout began.

He scrambled up from the ground and dove behind a nearby metal housing unit as Hank slid in beside him, gun drawn but loose in his hand as he assessed the scene. Connor did as well. Calculations were spinning through his head as he tried to preconstruct the best solution. At the rate the officers were firing and the proximity of their shots and the androids’, he had a little more than a minute to intervene.  
“You have to stop them! If they destroy it, we won’t learn anything!”  
Hank looked at him as if he’d gone totally insane. “We can’t save it, it’s too late! We’ll just get ourselves killed!”  
He looked back toward the source of the shots.  
60% chance of success. Would require 100% accuracy of movements, and the deviant following the most logical pattern of fire, no margin for error. If he slipped or skidded on the snow, if his damaged shoulder slowed him down at all, he’d be shot through the head and they would lose it.  
99.9% chance of failure if he stayed, as Hank asked. Even if the android conceded, it’d be shot before a ceasefire was called. The information would be lost, and his mission would be in serious jeopardy.  
He charged, barely registering Hank’s fingers closing just behind his arm.

Shot incoming, dodge right. Another, dodge left. Duck down. Next shot is coming from above, right again and over the barrier. The deviant hadn’t expected this, shock registered on its face. Connor backed it against the wall and, synth skin already retracting, grabbed its arm to connect.

The faint image of a ship’s hull, the word “JERICO” against rust.

I have no choice…

I’m sorry…

He knew what the deviant was going to do in the split second before it happened, and for a moment, something strong welled up in him. He didn’t want this, no, this was wrong, this was wrong. It was like an error alert in his system, but stronger, almost…

It took the shot.  
Connor recoiled. Involuntarily, he tried to cry out, but nothing happened, his vocal speakers stayed silent. Everything was silent but the pounding in his head, thumping to the beat of his thirium pump. It was too quiet, everything was moving too fast, and he couldn’t see, why couldn’t he see? Everything was white, too bright, far too bright.  
Buzzing. A faint buzzing sound. The buzzing became a voice, and the voice became Hank’s voice, muffled and still far away until there was a hand on his arm.

“…you alright?! Connor!” Hank’s face, openly concerned, came slowly into focus, but his eyes were glued to the body…to the android. Too still, slumped against the wall with a pool of thirium slowly collecting around the gaping wound in its head.  
He found his voice, shaking and weak though diagnostics said he was undamaged. “’m okay.”  
“Are you hurt?”  
“I’m okay,” he repeated, trying to shake the unnecessary hesitation from his voice.  
“Jesus!” Hank leaned back and took a few steps, clearly rattled, and suddenly turned back to him, anger leaking into his voice. “You scared the shit outta me. For fuck’s sake, I told you not to move! Why do you never do what I say?”  
He didn’t realize he was leaning against the barrier but he couldn’t make himself stand straight. He heard himself talking.

“I was connected to its memory. When it fired…I felt it die." 

Abrupt ending. Nothingness. I’m sorry.

"Like I was dying.”

Please, no. Too strong for an error message.   
Like pain, he realized. It was like pain. He didn’t want it, he couldn’t stand it, it was…he was…

“I was scared.”

Hank was staring at him, his expression melting from anger into something unreadable, but that was registering at the edge of his awareness. He needed something to focus on, anything. Anything to distract him from this moment.  
“I saw something, in its memory.” He’d almost said “his”. “A word, painted on a piece of rusty metal. ‘Jerico.’”  
It was a lead. It was what they had chased him for. This part of the mission was complete, he should be fully focused on finding out what Jerico was, but…

Nothingness. Pain. I’m sorry.

He made himself stand straight, but it was as if his joints were stiff from the cold. That was ridiculous, though, he was built to withstand temperatures far colder than this.  
No…what was holding him back was…shock. Fear.  
He was truly afraid. He shouldn’t be able to feel anything, his programming was capable of basic emulated responses only, but in that moment…  
He couldn’t let himself think about it.


End file.
